Jae* grew up in the Hornsby Shire with her parents and brother.
She lived a normal life, in her words, before she experienced the rigours of abuse.
“Things were pretty good. But that all changed when I entered a relationship with a guy from the US in early 2018,” Jae says.
“After we started a long-distance relationship, my connection to my family deteriorated. When I was with this person I didn’t know it was abusive.”
When Jae reflects on that time, she can see she was a victim of narcissistic abuse.
“He mistreated me verbally. And psychologically. He would manipulate me and very often stonewall me.”
Jae’s family could see it was unhealthy, and tried to protect her. But in the process Jae grew distant from them.
“I pushed myself away. I felt unsafe with them. I didn’t feel respected for my choices. I didn’t feel part of the family anymore. And the more they tried to force their opinion on me, the worse it got.”
In July 2018, after her 27th birthday, Jae logged a call to Lifeline. She had no family support, and found herself homeless.
“I had temporary safe housing arranged by Family and Community Services. I was able to get into a women’s shelter for further support. After that, I found a rental property and a part time job.”
Jae then had the time to focus on her relationship with the man in the States. She began supporting him with money.
“I found I couldn’t do it all with the small income I had,” she says.
The relationship ended and Jae sought more affordable housing for herself.
In October 2019 she found herself needing food help and community support. She began another relationship, but the man assaulted her in public. It was a night Jae would never forget.
She was able to call the 1800RESPECT number and receive support.
“Without them I don’t know how I would’ve escaped that part of my life.”
Jae moved to another part of Sydney and received support from Mission Australia. The caseworkers arranged safe housing for her.
But she was again lured back to her ex-boyfriend in the US.
“I wanted affection and love from him, but the financial abuse returned,” she says.
“I began having suicidal thoughts.”
Soon, with the help of counsellors and a GP, she realised she needed to get out of the relationship once and for all.
“It was like a drug addiction,” she says. “You need it. And if you don’t have it, you crave it.
“Any time he’d ask for money I would tell him no because I needed to pay my bills. But he’d still push for more.
“In the end I put my foot down.”
Jae’s counsellor helped her analyse the ‘evidence’ of inappropriate behaviour. She would write down how she felt.
In June 2020, Jae finally said goodbye to her ex.
She went on to experience another sexual assault. But she proved herself stronger than she thought possible.
“I will not let rape define my life,” Jae says.
“My ultimate goal is to feel safe. Then I can relax and function again.”
In December 2021, Jae discovered The People’s Pantry in Mascot. Here, she found much-needed food relief in the form of a Christmas Hamper.
Now she’s a regular at the Hub. It’s more than food support for Jae. It’s a connection with her community.
“It’s been the biggest help for me, as it’s very hard surviving on Centrelink payments.
“Community support is vital, and I receive that from The People’s Pantry.”
All the best, Jae, with your journey to complete recovery. You are a picture of resilience and strength.
* Name changed to protect the person’s identity.